There is pros and cons from being a part of a group on Facebook for parenting. I love reading things, especially when it comes to things that others need help for. Unfortunately people don’t realize that they ask for an opinion…. So why is it, people demand that the questionnaire do EXACTLY what they say???????
Example: A woman, I assume a new mom, asked how we all felt about the “cry it out” scenario. There are parents that remember the rules, suggests that the woman should give it a try. Also explains their reasons for doing it, how it worked for them, and just suggest to breathe while doing it. Others…”Don’t do it!!!” What? Wait? (Pause game jerk face.) Do not demand this woman not do it, if you do, why can’t you explain why you feel so strongly this way. Do they???? Nope….Who are these people? Are they parents? Doctors? Have they tried? Do they base their decision on this issue based on experience? Do they break down to their child easy? How old are these parents? Have they heard of tough love? Why can’t they give me something to think about????????????
As you can tell, “I feel strongly on this subject”, the mom asked… But these people are making demands that are so vague. Curiosity killed the cat. Little fact, I am always the cat. I want to know. I want it to make as much sense so I can think about it. I am a HUGE sucker for curiosity. (Curiosity killed the cat, satisfaction brought it back….. there is a third part but I have not the clue what it is…) I NEED MORE INFO!!!!!!!!
I am a mom of almost three… This DOES NOT make me an expert, but I am a bit more experienced that the newbies. Just saying. As for the scenario of the crying out method… It suck, It sucks, It sucks, It Sucks!! Your heart will break a million times. You will be crying to pick up your kid. The sound will be deafening… Tough it out sweetheart! The doctor tells you to do it for many reasons. I say this, because I have had soo many different doctors for my girls….(we move a lot… almost like gypsies, except their culture…. and the big colorful wedding stuff I saw on t.v…. long story short, we maybe live in one place for about 2 years. I’m working on stopping that.) reasons why:
- Developing the kids lungs. Yes, they are still developing things after they leave your body. I can hear my kids scream perfectly across a football field. They both have different distinctive screams, I can tell you which child faster and better than Lassie letting me know Timmy is stuck in the well. (I can hear them from the freaking well).
- If you do not establish that you are the parent, you will rarely have a nights sleep. Parents need to sleep too, if you don’t… well there is a long list of cons if you don’t. It’s a necessity. You are NOT abandoning your child. After 10 to 15 minutes, kids still screaming, go in the room, tell it “shhh” all nice, pick them up, kiss them, say you love them, lay them back down, and gently touch their face. Move your finger from eyebrow down to its nose…. super gently. (We were at a holiday situation at an old folks home, baby brother 15 years younger wouldn’t shut up… Wonderful, god send of an older woman taught me to do it to him. It is a weird nerve thing where it forces him to close his eyes, so if his eyes are heavy, helps to convince his brain to go to sleep and rest.) Guys, I felt like a damn magician….. It was like how you hold a bunny, covers its ears and eyes, and it automatically falls asleep… Coolest trick ever. If that doesn’t work, your kid has some serious determination. Be proud. And then, leave the room for another 10 to 15 mins, and wait. You might have to repeat. It takes your own determination and patience. (I am the queen of no patience… First child, I broke like a freaking crumbling fortune cookie still in the bag, now you can’t open the bag without crumbs everywhere… no one is that skilled… Damn you fortune cookie… damn you!!)
It shows you’re not abandoning the kid. You’re not damaging them. You’re helping them and yourself. Women have been doing it for ages…(means a long something time..) It’s known to work. It’s just difficult for you, not the kid. The kid has no value of time, they don’t think you abandoned them, their brain doesn’t process like that yet. They just know that when they do this annoying noise, you show up. That’s all. That’s what they expect. Its worked before, it will work now….. they will now be the parent of you. They control you. Yup thats right, the cute little peanut is now master. Sounds ridiculous… But i have seen it happen to other moms.
Now keep in mind, I am not an expert… This is how I have done it, How I will always do it, how it has worked for me. This does not mean you have to. Make your own decision. Ask more than one doctor, more than one mom, Never ask a newbie mom… Ask a psychologist. Don’t forget there are parenting classes. Yup, almost everywhere. Most are all free. I know, I’ve attended two. One on discipline, one on how to deal with a child that has been violated. That’s a story for another day. But they exist. Ask a social worker or I believe its 211 on a phone. or something like that. If you need services, assistance, help with what not, you call the number and the operator helps you. (I’ve done it for myself and the violated child, and for another mom in need of help…. (it is 211, I just double checked.) I’m not ashamed, I’ll call it again, again and again. If you don’t ask, you don’t get help. Just saying. There is NO shame for asking. I sure the hell don’t judge, (I might laugh…. it happens before I can stop it, happens to all of us). But I’m not actually judging.
If you post it on social media, do me a favor… If they respond with don’t do it, or make it sound like a demand with no back story backing up their experience….IGNORE THEM. You wouldn’t jump off a bridge because Sally said so…. Why Sally? Are we attached to a bungie? Are we learning to let go of our fear of heights? Is it on our bucket list? Are you suicidal, because I’m not….. Do you need a buddy in the white padded room? I will gladly chill with you in a straight jacket for a bit, I’m just going to try to figure out how the magicians get out of them…. or try to sleep like a Conehead, against a padded wall….. Will it work??????? (see, serious case of curiosity…Wasn’t lying, definitely not making this crap up!)
Use you instinct, seek the correct advice, make your own judgement call.
Tough it up cookie….. You got this!!
(I just went back to the post on this issue, a woman just said she was told after 15 mins of crying, the lack of oxygen to the brain kills brain cells, and could cause SIDs…….. Has anyone ever heard of this????? When i cry after 15 mins, no one still picks me up, and I don’t have dead brain cells….. when I did drugs in my 20’s, I had dead brain cells…… if this is true, guys we are all dying. Especially people with severe depression that cry til they hyperventilate…. I AM SCREWED… please comment so I know. I am calling a doc after the holidays. Have I been lied to all this time? Have you????)