PINEAPPLES….Tell me this is a phase…

So I know it’s no longer monday, but I had to take a sick day or two. Guys.. we need to discuss this.

First let me explain Pineapples. Have you ever seen Kevin Hart’s comedy movies? In one of them, he explains his safe word is Pineapples. So I stole it. But I never need it when with my lover…. I need it as an every day word. Pineapples- this is not okay, I’m not okay, I’m over this, I just want to go home… and sometimes it’s a substitute for some bad words. Pineapples!

So the weekend was long. Girls went to a birthday party, jumped on a bounce house.. young one complains of stomach pain… throws up all night. Okay. Great. Sunday, oldest gives attitude and disrespects parents, gets list of chores. Monday… youngest can’t find her flip flops… oldest put them in the coat closet… can’t find them in the closet. Great.. now we missed the bus. Awesome. Drive to school and have to wait to kick them out of the car.. to which I finally looked at my youngest. I try to give her freedom of dressing herself, other parents encourage their children… I believe we are doing right by the child’s independence and in my kids case, creativity. She is wearing a pink shirt with a long black skirt that has darker colored stripes and black boots… it could be worse… or so I thought.

Youngest is antsy and I all over the back seat, I kindly ask her to stop acting like a monekey, and to keep her legs down so no one can see her underwear. Youngest looks at me innocently as she is grabbing her backpack and sister to go in to school….. “I am not wearing underwear, there were none in my room”!!!!!!

PINEAPPLES… What? Why? But? Crap!. Wait… What? Hold on.. she had time to complain about shoes but never said a word about panties?! Pineapples, I don’t understand.

So now I drive home, call Lisa to see if this is normal. But the bellowing of laughter, I take that as a no for her kids. Thanks. I stare at Peter pan and tell him…. He freaks out and yells to get her panties and mumbles about gas. Well not sh*t sherlock, but I was hopping to hear if someone in his family ever did this. I guess not.

Proceed to school wondering, just why? Why? I’ve got nothing. Now how do I explain this to the woman at the front desk? Am I now becoming that horrible mother? My child left without panties and thought it was okay. I AM NOT A COMMANDO PERSON… where did she get the idea?

I now casually look at the woman at the from desk, asking for my youngest in pre k and the closest bathroom. She kindly calls for her but makes a weird face. It was to be expected…. I kindly wait til she is off the phone, and proceed to tell her my youngest is under the impression that the 60’s are coming back, and went commando, and had no curtousy to forwarning me ahead of time. To this she hysterically laughs.

By the way, the teacher knows now too… they didn’t have anyone to bring her up, so I had to go to her and she was told why. Pineapples.

Now I have been to school twice in one day, I get home, to Peter pan telling me to grab the oldest, she threw up… awesome. On my way to pick up the youngest, I had the brave thought to bring two grocery bags with me. Smart idea. STOMACHBUG. Pineapples.

Nothing like throwing up in your third trimester. Thank you monday, for making sure the memory of you lasts….


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